Chapter 11 – The Turning Point

Chapter 11 — The Turning Point

The Turning Point is when I realized I had no understanding of God. It came after being touched unexpectedly by the Spirit and strengthened to give a speech at our family reunion. Carried away with pride from experiencing this new power, I needed the Lord to rebuke and humble me. I suddenly realized I had no understanding of the Lord or my heavenly Father. I had always sensed They were real, but never understood our relationship until after I was inspired to understand by…The Turning Point.

Thank God for family reunions to get my mind off work and stolen money. Thursday before the weekend of our reunion, in August of 1995, I was doing what had come to be a regular part of my life, communing with God in a public park. I began to think about the reunion and realized how much I enjoyed being around my relatives. They were such a loving bunch, and I felt reunions were a great way to share that love while remembering deceased loved ones and special memories from the past.

I suddenly began to think about the special bond cemented with my sisters and brothers coming up as children. In the midst of my loving thoughts, the Lord said: “I have given you a lot of wisdom in the times you have spent with Me. Why don’t you share it with your family?” I just thought He meant share some of the practical knowledge the Spirit brought while I was communing to answer some of my own questions, just to give them some idea how the Lord talks to me like a father through the Spirit.

So I just assumed He meant sharing it one-on-one and in family group discussions, such as when my extended family socialized around my mother’s kitchen table when we went home to visit. Sure, I have no problems with that. That will be easy, I thought. But with God being the kind of Spiritual Being that He is, you just never really know where He’s coming from. And while it usually takes time to understand what the Lord is saying, this time I would understand the very next day.

The next day, when I arrived at the Peachtree Plaza Hotel in Atlanta, Georgia for the first night of the reunion, my sister Mary met me. She was on the entertainment committee and revealed during our conversation that she had no one on the program to speak or provide entertainment for that night. She was nervously wrenching her hands and had a concerned look on her face when she said, “I don’t know what to do. Everyone who was scheduled said something came up and they couldn’t make it.”

I felt the Presence of the Holy Ghost as She quietly overshadowed me, while the Spirit of the Lord started to work deep down within my soul. He and my spirit-man had their own little personal battle going. When that still small voice reminded me of our conversation in the park to urge me on, then I really got scared. I started protesting and cried out in the silence of my mind; I’m not a public speaker, Lord, and you know how much I hate to hear my squeaky voice. People laugh at me! I reasoned. I can’t sing or dance, nor do I have anything of interest to share. What am I supposed to do? I asked while freaking out in the confines of my mind.

My response fell upon deaf ears. The Lord calmly responded: “Remember the Daily Word you liked so much? The one you committed to memory because it said so much for you? You can give it as a speech!” The Daily Word is a monthly Christian publication that has a different message for each day of the week. And the Lord was making reference to one of the daily messages that had really touched my soul. It was a message about Christ and how you do all things through Him. It was a cute little message, but I really didn’t understand what it meant at the time. I just liked the way the message read.

It had been years since I remembered the message, so I was quick to wail, “A speech, Lord? You’ve got to be kidding! Remember, just a few months ago I was trying to find that page I saved from the Daily Word, but couldn’t find it, nor can I remember all of the words in the message,” I pleaded. “Plus,” I said in my mind, as I continued with my silent desperate attempt to make my case, “it’s not long enough for a speech, anyway.” My heart was racing wildly while this conversation was taking place in my mind, because I couldn’t help but feel the Lord was going to put me in a situation where I was going to make a complete fool of myself.

The Lord patiently continued: “Tell them about our conversation in the park. Tell them how I have been the only Father you have known. Remind them of your father’s drinking problem when he was alive. That will help them understand our relationship. Tell them that you love them. Tell them I wanted you to share this, with the hope it will help them the way it has helped you. Call the speech I Can. And when you give it, I’ll be with you.”

The Lord was sure determined. Just that quickly, He had designed a speech and given me the assurance that He had my back. When I look back on this, I can see the trance-like state I was in while this conversation was taking place in my mind. It seemed as if the whole world had stopped. But noticing how the concerned look upon my sister’s face barely changed while this occurred, I could tell that the world had not stopped, and only a few seconds had passed. A few seconds in a trance with God seems like eternity.

I reluctantly decided to do as the Lord instructed and said to my sister Mary; “I got a speech I can give.” Her face brightened when she said, “You will, Robert? Oh, thank you!” My heart was sure, but old Satan was helping to attack my mind with doubts. “What if I forget? what if I make a fool of myself, getting up there as if I’m somebody? What makes you think somebody wants to hear you?” My thoughts, combined with those doubtful satanic thoughts, were killing me softly.

They found a child to say a speech and go before me. The audience was kind and forgiving of his mistakes. “I hope they forgive me when I mess up,” I mused while waiting. Finally, it was my turn. My stomach was churning like an old-fashioned butter churn making butter. I stumbled through the introduction as the Lord instructed. Then I started to get a little concerned, because I sensed some in the audience wanted me to hurry. I just assumed it was because I was boring and they were ready to get their Friday night fun on. So I decided it was time to give the speech, praying I could even remember the words in that message from the Daily Word.

The profound happened when I started to share the message from the Daily Word. When I opened my mouth to speak, my little old squeaky voice suddenly became a MIGHTY BOOMING VOICE. Judging from the audience’s reaction, they were just as surprised as I. For I could see a look of shock on their faces as they reacted in what seemed like perfect unison: their eyes got large, their mouths flew open, and they all leaned back in their chairs as if to say, “What in the heck is this?” I was wondering the same thing myself!

While I was aware of their reactions, my voice, and a powerful anointing that was upon my heart, I no longer thought about remembering the speech. Words were just flowing from my mouth with no effort or thought on my part. I had often dreamed of being a great speaker like that, and I couldn’t believe it was happening, just like that. It was as if someone or something had possessed my body and I was helpless to do anything but watch. But because I had no control over this sudden occurrence, it scared the living daylights out of me. I was caught between shock and power.

I was anxious for the speech to end so I could sit down and compose myself. Inside, I was shaking like a leaf. Not from fear, but from the power of the anointing. I had never experienced anything like it. When it was over, while I was sitting trying to compose myself, a cousin who was also on the committee came over to where I was sitting. She came smiling, shaking her head in a knowing way as she said, “That’s your calling! That’s your calling!”

She came with a message I guess she felt I needed to hear. Was her message a message from the Lord? I was beginning to ask myself. Confused and not understanding what had happened, I almost shouted in response to her words; “What are you talking about? That can’t be my calling — I haven’t even read the Bible. If that’s the case,” I continued, “why hasn’t the Lord told me?” I really didn’t know what to think. I was left pondering, trying to understand where all that power suddenly came from. But for the rest of the night, I got many strange looks from others.

The next day while I was communing in the park, I didn’t think much about what had happened or how the Lord had instructed me through the whole thing. I only thought how I could have made the speech better, so I could have impressed the audience more. Just that quickly, pride set in. I had been touched by the Lord in a mighty way, and I was too blind to see that I had been taught what to say in a matter of seconds by the Holy Ghost and the Spirit of the Lord that had suddenly come upon me. And when it was time for me to say it, the Spirit had spoken boldly through my frail body. The Lord promised to be with me, and He simply kept His promise. But while sitting there in the park communing, I foolishly thought it was all me. I was giving all the glory to me and none to God.

The next night in the Grand Ballroom, the program was proceeding as planned. I was enjoying myself and felt relieved I had no part to play in the program. Before I could finish this thought, however, I heard my sister Mary on the microphone saying; “Last night, my brother Robert gave a beautiful speech. I hate to put him on the spot, but I really wish he would give it again.” Thanks, Mary, for not putting me on the spot, I laughed to myself. Nevertheless, I felt honored that someone wanted to hear me speak again. I was hesitant only because I didn’t like the idea of giving the same speech again, especially since I still wasn’t sure if I could remember all of the words that were in that daily message from the Daily Word.

When I looked around the room and saw that the Grand Ballroom was overflowing with people, and realized only a few people had come to the get-acquainted banquet, I took courage in realizing this would be the first time the majority would be hearing the speech. They may benefit from it as well, I reasoned. While this line of thought helped to get me beyond my hesitancy, the amazing part was that, while I had been afraid to speak before a few people the night before, this time, with my newfound pride, I felt no fear. I decided if I couldn’t remember any part of the speech, I would just make up something in the flow of things.

Utilizing my critiques from communing in the park that same day, I delivered the speech with boldness and power, just as if I was a seasoned professional. All eyes were fixed intently upon me and I was loving it. Later that night, someone said to me, “We didn’t know you could speak like that, and we had no idea you had a relationship with the living God to that degree.” While many felt ministry was my calling, I was so wrapped up with trying to impress the audience that I failed to recognize that the anointing wasn’t there as it had been the night before. I was on a foolish roll now. Pride anointed my heart.

A few weeks later, I would find out that I had no control over this Spirit, as I had thought. It came when I had the opportunity to share my feelings concerning taxi service with some of the drivers. We were granted a rate increase by the city of Atlanta, and a group of drivers had gathered at the sign shop to get new signs. In protest of a uniform requirement and age limits on taxis, the drivers present at the shop were discussing the possibility of a strike and a rally involving driving their taxis around City Hall.

Since the room was small and crowded with drivers, I didn’t think it was right for us to use this place of business as a public pulpit. I was going to say something simple like, “We shouldn’t be discussing this in someone’s place of business,” when I remembered this new power I thought I had been given. Finally, I rejoiced to myself, now is my chance to speak out and deliver myself from the curse of driving a taxi. I had convinced myself this was a curse inflicted upon me when I failed to keep the promise I made to speak out for the taxi industry, made to God after the job of driving a taxi had saved me from financial ruin for the third time.

After working my way into the middle of the crowd, I began to speak with my newfound passion. “First of all,” I said, “you gave a lawyer five thousand dollars just to tell you to strike. You could have given me five dollars to say that. It’s not going to hurt the lawyer at all to strike. It’s only going to hurt us and the public that depends on us for service. And the limousine drivers will benefit by stepping in to provide taxi service while we are striking.” I tried to reason with what I thought made sense at the time.

But the drivers were convinced this newly-created taxicab enforcement unit was out to destroy them, and the public didn’t really care about the condition of the taxis. One driver said: “The public should be grateful we are there for them, regardless of the service. Taxis are much worse in other cities like New York!” I was quick to respond, “We have no right to put someone’s life in jeopardy simply because they are at our mercy in needing a cab. So what if taxis are worse in other cities? If we just do our part to gain the confidence of the public, not only do I believe the bureau will work with us, but we will also gain more business and respect from the public,” I concluded, trying to make a defense along those lines.

I went on to share why I felt this enforcement unit was created by saying, “Don’t you think if we had made every effort to provide safe, courteous and clean service at all times, there would not have been so many complaints from the public, complaining we rip them off, our vehicles are shabby and unsafe, we drive like maniacs and treat our passengers rudely? I believe this police force was created as a result of public outrage, and has no choice but to take some kind of action, whether good or bad.” I was speaking now with a strong conviction.

To further make my point, I gave them an example of sloppy service that I had personally witnessed. “You can’t say you don’t do some of those things the public is complaining about,” I pointed out, “because I see you myself. I see how rudely you treat people just because they are going a short distance. I’ve seen cabs on 98-degree days flying down the expressway with their windows down, professional businesswomen sitting in the back seat with their hair blowing back from the wind, with looks of suffering upon their faces.” My speech suddenly turned vicious with uncontrollable anger.

I guess the Lord had heard enough, for right in the midst of my self-righteous and angry speech, that still small voice became a BIG GIANT VOICE in my head that said, “SHUT UP, SHUT UP AND DON’T YOU SAY ANOTHER WORD!“ By those words alone, I knew He was dead serious. But what had I done? I wondered.

I had been doing my own thing, thinking the Spirit of the Lord had anointed me. And now while one of the drivers was in my face attempting to make his point, all I could think to say in response was, “It’s wrong for us to be discussing this in this man’s place of business. This is not right and I was wrong for doing it.” I guess I was hoping to get some sympathy from the Lord by saying what I said, because I knew I had somehow screwed up.

Because I screwed up, I didn’t dare pray in the Spirit that day. I was beginning to see that there was a thin line between emotional zeal and being Anointed by the Spirit. I was an idiot to think I could ever have any control over the holy Spirit. I felt like a child who had been bad in public, and his parents give him that look that said, Just you wait until I get you home. When that child gets home, not only is he behaving, but he does everything in his power to avoid his parents. But eventually, just like that child, I had to face the music.

I gained the courage to face the music the next day. It came from a conversation with another driver while waiting in line to pick up a trip at the airport. I watched in my rear view mirror as he hesitantly approached my taxi and began to speak through my open window. “We heard what you said yesterday,” he began. “We didn’t know you could talk like that. You always stay to yourself and never talk to anyone. We didn’t know you had it in you.” Who is this “we” he keeps talking about? I wondered as he talked.

Then he went on to say, “We need to talk to you, because what you said makes sense.” Then I perceived he meant this Taxicab Advisory Committee. I didn’t have time to find out, because the taxi line started moving. But I started feeling good about myself again. Now I couldn’t wait to spend some quiet time communing. I was no longer afraid, and wanted to know why the Lord told me to “shut up.”

When I found the time to be alone in prayer, the Lord was quick to send His Spirit to commune with me. In a way that was humble for me at that particular time in my life, I asked, “Lord, the drivers seemed to agree with what I was saying. Why do you have a problem with that? I thought you wanted me to be a spokesperson for the taxi industry. What did I do wrong?” I can only imagine the Lord sitting up high upon His holy throne, shaking His head while giving His Spirit a response to give me. It was a response that would humble my soul.

These were the words I received while praying in the Spirit: “You don’t get it, do you? You’re not God, and never will be God. I only wanted to use you, to use your earthly body to do the talking. That’s all I wanted then, and that’s all I want now. But you got in the way. You let your pride get in the way of doing good and started expressing anger created from your own fears and doubts. I can’t use anyone who’s full of pride!”

I had to ask, didn’t I? The Lord has never been soft when I ask a stupid question. And He was right. Deep down in my soul, not only was I angry for having to drive a taxi, I was ashamed of driving one. In all my rationale, I somehow found a way to blame the Lord for making me drive one. While He had nothing to do with my decision to continue driving a taxi, I still wanted to believe it was He who kept me in it. I just didn’t want to accept the fact that I didn’t have the courage to change my life, that I was just a coward.

I was also angry at the other drivers for making no efforts to create a polished image. Even though we drove taxis, I felt we could provide better service, service similar to limousines. I thought maybe if we created a positive image, set an example for the rest of the world to follow, then maybe I wouldn’t be so ashamed. When it came to the taxi, I felt like a lowlife, as if everyone looked down on me. I was angry and full of emotional garbage called selfish pride. My only concern was for myself, and what other people thought about me. I guess I was destined for a fall.

The Lord continued to reprove me: “As their fellow servant, you had no right to speak to them like that. For I am a loving and just God. My principles are the same for all things — repentance and turning from your wicked ways. With strength from My Spirit, I only wanted you to show them the errors of their ways. When they oppress any human being who depends on them for taxi service, yes, it also affects Me. For all souls are Mine. Even the soul that sins and will die. Nevertheless, I never called you to be a taxi-driver.”

The Lord shamed me further by saying: “I know you think the taxi is a curse, but it’s not. Look at how many times it saved your life from financial disasters. Think about all the wonderful people you have met in the taxi. In all the years you have been driving, I have kept you safe continually. Not once have you been robbed. I gave you the taxi to save your life, not to take your life. You have to trust Me for the Mighty God that I Am!”

My soul was finally humbled out of shame, shame in not trusting the living God, who had been the Father of my life, all my life. But as I have said so many times before, at that time in my life, I couldn’t understand what the Lord was saying. I only knew I had sinned, and begged His forgiveness. Deep down within my soul, I knew I had let my Lord down in a big way. I was hoping that in seeing my shame, He would forgive me of this terrible sin.

This was the turning point. The Lord sure got my attention. I had been a foolish child, not knowing the ways of his Father. It was obvious I had no understanding of the living God or His Father, our heavenly Father. And don’t even mention Jesus. For all practical purposes, I was back at Square One. Now I couldn’t help but wonder, Will I ever again feel that wonderful anointing I experienced at the family reunion?” This was definitely …“The Turning Point.”